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December 7, 2016

I just want to be free

I don't want to pile up money in order to pay a rent and have fancy things. Money is a prison. When you have enough you subscribe to this and that thing until you are locked into a cage from which you have little hope of escaping.

Ever since resigning from my most recent job in February I have had a growing feeling that I never want to work again. This is, in the modern world, a problem. My mere existence forces me to every month pay money to a handful corporations in order to stay afloat.

Right now I'm studying physics at university and I'm very happy about it. I have no real plans of what I'm going to do with whatever it is that I learn, but at least I get to do something interesting. Here there is no boss assessing whatever I do. There is no one that cares about what I do, and it's the best thing ever. Having someone judge your daily achievements is for me a horrible way to spend your days I hope I never have to experience it again.

Sometimes I hear friends saying "I just want to finish the education and get a job" and I freeze. The thought that I too, some day, must return to my old place in the big wheel, is frightening. I don't want to. Education in Sweden is free and I get a monthly free grant plus loan which will last for another three years. This is roughly the time it will take me to get my bachelor's degree in physics. What I'll do after that I do not know. What I'm gonna do this summer, in order to pay the rent the couple of summer months where I don't get the study grant, I do not know. I do not want to work. But I guess I can put up with like one month of work during the beginning of the summer, scraping together barley enough for the rest of the summer.

Maybe I'll find something that works for me at some point. Maybe by making indie games. Maybe I'll somehow fund a master's degree in aerospace engineering or physics. I'm not gonna try to plan these things, but I'm actively going to stay away from working tiring jobs that subtract from life quality more than they add.

I just want to be free.